Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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