When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
