your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
