dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
