I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
