your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
