Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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