Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
