apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
