it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize