i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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