I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
