you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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