i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
