Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize