i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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