the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
