Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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