just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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