So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
