Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pooping to opera.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
