She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
