So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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