were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone signed my nipple.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
