Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
