it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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