It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
