OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
