remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
