We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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