I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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