Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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