How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
