I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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