I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
