I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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