I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
