I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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