mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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