My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i believe in u and ur pee
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
