I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the raccoons are back...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
