Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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