im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
