Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
