we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
