i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
