I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
