Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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