I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
