All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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