He kissed a someone with a penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
