I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
