does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
