Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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