Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
