Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
