I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
