There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
