Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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