There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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