soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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