I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
