Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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