I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
