Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
