why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
