On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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