i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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