i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
