so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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