I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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