I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
