Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
