I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Every concussion has its silver lining
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
