he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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